Conventional wisdom says that relationships are built on a give and take. That a good relationship is where each partner compromises to meet the other’s needs.
This is misleading.
Give and take in a relationship is barter trade. It is meeting someone’s needs in exchange for them to meet your needs. Needs are endless. And in barter trade, conflict is inevitable.
For one person will get more than he receives and the other person will notice that he has received the short end of the stick and feel resentful.
Conflict is therefore inevitable in barter trade.
Give and take means compromise. Comprise means lack of freedom. For a person to be free, he must act out of freedom. Not out of compromise. Not out of owing. Not out of obligation.
Peaceful relationships are based on freedom. Freedom for one to act as he wishes. If one wants to be kind, very well. If one wants to be benevolent to another. He is free to do so.
But he need not expect his benevolence or kindness to be reciprocated.
Expecting an act of kindness to be reciprocated is slavery. It is entrapment that leads to anxiety and conflict in relationships.
Some claim that their partner complements them. That he makes them whole. This is misguided.
A human being is whole by himself. If he believes that another has a role in his wholeness, If he believes that another complements them, If he believes that another has a role in their happiness.
He is forever beholden to the other.
Like the saying goes, one has to love themselves before loving another.
Either one comes into a relationship when he is whole or he will leave in pieces.
Life is life
Fabio