While I was a first year at the university. There was this girl I had a crash on. Her name was Doreen. I really liked Doreen but did not have the courage to tell her how I felt. I was still in diapers as far as talking to girls was concerned.
I was a clueless vagabond straight out of Kisii. I spent most of my time imbibing alcohol in keg dens while my counterparts like Willie were oscillating around the ladies’ hostels.
My favorite drink then was called Iceberg. Iceberg was literally chang’aa laced with sugars. It tasted nice. But it made you high as a kite after a few bottles. It was also cheap.
Now, one day, after helping myself with a meal of cabbage and ugali, I drowned two bottles of iceberg using my HELB loan. My confidence skyrocketed and I decided to go to Doreen’s place and let her know how I felt about her. She lived alone outside the campus so I fancied myself sleeping at her place.
When I got there, she welcomed me and I sat on her bed. Doreen was a kienyeji, so she was whipping some ugali ya kisiagi and Sukuma wiki as I entertained her with my lame stories and bad jokes. I think in those days all campus girls were kienyeji.
Everything was going well and I could see that she really liked my alcohol induced vibe.
Well, until my head started spinning and my stomach churned.
Ladies and gentlemen, cabbage and alcohol don’t go well together. I repeat, cabbage and alcohol don’t go together.
Long story short.
I vomited all over her bed and blacked out. And was effectively friend-zoned for the four years I was at the university.
Life is life
Fabio