One of the paradoxical human conditions is that we desire reliability but also crave novelty. Something new, something different, every once in a while. We easily become bored and may lose interest if something is too predictable.
In relationships we prefer reliable and dependable partners. On the other hand we want them to juice things up a little bit.
We all have our favorite foods but if we had our favorite meal e.g. beef very often, we will start craving our “unfavorite” meal e.g. sukumawiki. The wise men knew what they were saying when they said that too much of something is poison. Maybe they got tired of milk and honey and craved some vinegar. We yearn for a break even from good things.
The same wise men also claimed that absence makes the heart fonder. What did they mean? Rats give us a clue.
A guy called BF skinner liked doing experiments with rats. He put a rat in a box with no food. He placed a lever in the box which the rat accidentally pressed and a pellet of food dropped in the box. Of course the rat eventually learnt to press the lever to get food. So every time it pressed the lever it got food. Reliability.
Skinner decided to juice things up a little bit. He set up the lever in a way that whenever the rat pressed it, it sometimes got food and sometimes did not. Variability.
Then he noticed something interesting. When the lever produced variable results, the rat could press the lever several times until it produced food.
Reliability (knowing that the lever will produce food) tapered with a dose of variability (not knowing when) got the rat hooked to pressing the lever.
A person gets hooked to gambling because of the unpredictable outcomes. If a gambler won every time he placed a bet we would not have people addicted to gambling. Even when they lose consistently, the occasional win does the trick of keeping them pressing the lever.
We can’t resist looking at our phones when we hear the message notification tone. Maybe it is an MPESA message or a Kamiti scammer. Even people who say they don’t like surprises like surprises.
If the above argument is taken to its logical conclusion then we pose the question.
Should your partner know that you will always love them no matter what? Should your partner know that you cannot live without them? Should you be a hundred percent predictable to your partner or should they have their fingers crossed?
Dating has some variability. Marriage? “Familiarity breeds contempt… and children”.
No man is a hero before his wife. She knows your BS.
Life is a gift
Fabio Ogachi