There are no good or bad feelings. Only pleasant and unpleasant feelings. But society has taught us that some feelings are bad and should be suppressed or avoided at all costs. This has made us unable to “sit with” unpleasant emotions. The moment we experience unpleasant emotions, we take off in all directions, like a headless chicken, to avoid the “bad feeling”.
The truth is, all emotions are instinctive and serve a survival function. When we lived in the jungle, fear told us to run for our lives. Anger told us to fight for our lives and disgust instructed us to avoid toxic substances. Sadness, on the other hand, told us that we had lost our status and should act in line with our new lower status. That’s why we withdraw from others and generally “scale down” on our usual activities when we are sad.
But of course, we don’t live in the jungle anymore, so our feelings are not necessarily a good guide of how we should act. If you feel anger towards someone, you don’t have to cut her throat. Neither should your feeling of disgust prevent you from wiping your child’s bottom after soiling herself. Still, there is nothing wrong about feeling a certain way. Only actions can be wrong.
But what if we viewed our feelings as natural, even beautiful, like the weather? When it rains, we don’t try to suppress the rain. We only make choices. We may shelter, go planting or even dancing in the rain.
Only those who are ignorant of nature attempt to stop the rain or the night from falling.
Let’s say your wife has “beef” with you for some reason for a week. But she suppresses her feelings and tries to act as if everything is okay. She prepares food for you as usual, but you may notice that during that week, the food is unusually too salty.
Life is life
Fabio